STORMBREAKER Film Review - 21/7/06

Not being able to see the real Bond until November I made do with Mini-Me; sorry, Mini-Bond and it was actually half-way decent. It has a fairly extensive cast starting with Ewan McGregor and Bill Nighy (In "M" mode) followed up with Mickey Rourke wearing some extensive and badly applied make-up that I really hope was part of his character because he really hammed it up with Missi Pyle and Andy Serkis as the other villains of the piece. Rourke had a thick coating of brown slap on with his eyes done up like a bad drag queen with greasy long hair, followed by Missi Pyle tottering around on absolutely ridiculous stiletto heels in a tight all in one dress with a bad Teutonic accent and a 30's style blonde kiss curl wig while muttering and gibbering to himself Andy Serkis had a fake facial scar, white Michael Jackson gloves and a Dracula cape to top it off - I don't know who was more embarrassed? Alicia Silverstone also popped up with further cameos from Robbie Coltrane (Lose some weight mate: If I can go from 16 stone to 13 - you can as well. Remember what happened to Divine? We don't want to lose you just yet Robbie!) and Stephen Fry (In "Q" mode this time!)
It actually does run like a junior Bond with no plot sense or explanation from one hair-raising scene to the next and no reason or the need to suspend disbelief and we even get a couple of good stunts with an ending left wide open for further sequels. As to the lead Alex Pettyfer I read in another article he's the kind of boy that other boys at school would hate - He's good looking, a hit with the teachers and girls and does all those great things that you didn't do whilst on holiday - In fact a complete git - And they would be right! Whether it'll drag in the teenage or older male market we will wait to see - But I'm sure it will attract droves of smitten girls.